The third and final reading from the 2005 Christmas CD is one of my most favorite stories. As a kid, when I first encountered this story—I think as an “after-school special” type thing, it hit some strong emotional chords with me. I’m not entirely sure why, but I remember this story as the first that actually made me cry. (Old Yeller worked it’s magic on me years later…)

The Velveteen Rabbit is a cute little story about a stuffed, toy rabbit who longs to be “real.” Initially of little interest to his owner, or to the other toys with whom he is thrown together, eventually the rabbit becomes the much-loved favorite of the boy. After the boy contracts an illness which requires the purging of those belongings he keeps closest to him, the rabbit is thrown out of the house, to be incinerated. Filled with love for the boy, and sadness at their separation, the rabbit’s single tear summons the “toy fairy,” who completes his transformation and deposits him in the forest among the other real rabbits.

The 2005 CD may’ve been shorter, but that was ok ’cause it had this story on it. Also, I managed to sneak Spidey into the CD jacket, which was fun.

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Since the object of the project is to make a Christmas present, it’s kind of imperative to include at least a few outright Christmas stories in the mix. And what story (well, secular story, anyway) is more a part of Christmas than the long poem, The Night Before Christmas.

This classic story includes references which modern kids will likely never be exposed to elsewhere—like actual shutters, kerchief and caps as sleepwear, and sugarplums. Of course, this story also is one of the primary introductions for children to Santa’s peculiar attributes, and also has an easy to memorize roster of Santa’s pre-Rudolph reindeer.

There are many stories and songs about Santa and his reindeer, but this is one of the absolute fundamental texts of Santology.

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The 2005 CD wasn’t actually completed until 2006, and only included three books, one of which was the longer but much beloved Velveteen Rabbit. (It is kind of sad when time and timeliness become a factor in the creation of a Christmas present… but it was in this instance. I’ve tried to be better about it since then, to greater and lesser effect.)

The first track I’d like to feature from this CD is the short—but very cute—Guess How Much I Love You, by Sam McBratney and Anita Jeram.

This story documents a peculiar exchange between a narcissistic elder bunny and an insecure but effusive younger bunny who share a vague and unhealthily competitive relationship, and who apparently belong to a cult which has stripped them of their names and only allows them to be referenced by the color of their fur.

As the story progresses, the junior bunny attempts to elucidate the magnitude of his devotion to the elder bunny, but with each new platitude, the elder bunny is compelled to explain that his devotion to the younger bunny is actually the greater. He accomplishes this through various means, including physical feats of strength and simple size-related intimidation techniques. In the end, the elder bunny—not content to allow the youngster even the smallest victory—must get in the last word, even as his companion loses consciousness. One imagines the elder bunny smiling to himself with smug satisfaction, before dropping off to a fitful, horror-filled sleep.

Too much?

[UPDATE: 1 hour after this post launched, I realized I'd neglected to include the audio. Whoops.]

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Here we are in June—one whole month into the new coffeemonk.com. I’m happy that I managed to get out a new post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 10am. It wasn’t originally a goal for the site, but I decided a few days prior to launch that it might be good to make it an unofficial one. Aside from some last minute post-writing in the last week, it’s been a very comfortable experience, all told. Not sure how long I can keep it up, so we’ll just have to see.

Anyway, I wanted to take a moment, now that we’re a month old, to look back on the past month and see what we made of it.

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Mr. Brown Can Moo! Can You? is apparently a story about a neurotic and possibly delusional individual who wanders the countryside attempting to communicate by imitating the noises of animals and nature. Or perhaps he’s an amnesiac who has lost the capacity for human language altogether, and who is known as Mr. Brown solely because of the color of his outerwear. In any event, his unfortunate condition provided his psychiatrist—the infamous Dr. Seuss—an excellent opportunity for profit.

The reader is drawn along on the patient’s perambulatory adventure, and is given the opportunity to observe and occasionally participate in a re-enactment of his mad mimicry. Graciously, Mr. Brown’s repertoire of sounds is somewhat limited, and does not venture into the mechanical or electronic, so the book remains relatively short. The book closes with a review section, which one imagines might be an abstract representation of the troubled man’s unconscious mind.

Seriously though, Mr. Brown Can Moo is a great little book that smaller children simply love. It is especially fun when, once they’ve been through the book about 20 times (a day, for six straight months) and know pretty much what to expect, the reader begins to mix up the animals and their sounds. Toddlers love making animal noises, and they squeal with delight (or homicidal rage) when one presents the obviously ludicrous idea that a dog might say “quack.”

This is the last track off the original 2004 Christmas CD. Next week, 2005!

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The Tale of Peter Rabbit is one of those classic books that probably every kid has read at some point. It is also a story that has been told and retold in children’s stories, probably since there were stories. It’s the classic tale of the mischievous child—Peter—who, when given clear instruction and a compelling reason to not do something, proceeds to do exactly what he was warned against. As if that weren’t enough, Peter’s total lack of self-control extends to his eating habits, such that, when presented with an abundance of food and no supervision, he eats himself sick. As could be expected, his situation goes from bad to worse, and he ends up naked, wet, cold, and alone, with the hidden enemy lurking somewhere between him and the freedom he seeks, which lies in some unknown direction. Upon finally arriving home, Peter’s only punishment is his own self-inflicted illness, despite his having lost yet another set of clothing, and having obviously been up to no good. As near as I can tell, the moral of this story is that you can be as disobedient and mischievous as you like, as long as you’re smart about it.

This and the final track on the 2004 CD were a bit of a concession, in that this isn’t necessarily one of my favorite stories. I think I felt that three stories wasn’t quite enough, so I picked the last two to fill out the list a bit. I do like this story, however, and there is just something fun about saying “Flopsy, Mopsy.”

Enjoy the reading.

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The third book from the 2004 Christmas CD is the ever popular Green Eggs and Ham—a presumed favorite of the mothers of picky children.

The story involves a gruff, grumpy presumably older person. Set in his ways, and flush with life experience, he knows what he likes, and—more importantly for this story—what he doesn’t like. This gentleman, from the outset of the story is beset by a pestering, annoying interloper who insists on shoving the same plateful of foul looking food in his face for the next several hours (or perhaps days). Despite our protagonist’s gruff—but polite—rebuffs of the pushy peddler, he is continuously harrassed with ham.

In the end, after being stalked, run over by a car, kidnapped against his will onto the roof of a speeding train, and finally crash landed onto a boat which is utterly destroyed, our protagonist gives into the classic “how do you know you don’t like them if you won’t try them” ploy. When he does try them, and realizes that they haven’t gone rancid yet and are actually palatable, he quickly scarfs down the entire plate so that that annoying and mentally unstable Sam character can’t even have a bite. Revenge is a dish best borrowed full and returned empty.

The fun aspect of this recording, which I barely remembered but was pleasantly surprised to rediscover, is that my wife pitched in as the voice of Sam-I-am. Of course, we recorded it together, sharing the same cheap’o microphone, so there are a few instances where you can just about catch us cracking each other up. As with most of this stuff, I cleaned up as much as I could, as I didn’t want extra noises to distract from and possibly muddy the voices. This was a fun read, and I’d love to have done more with Sara, but her schedule, and the fact that I always seem to be recording these at the last possible moments, has since precluded her involvement. More’s the pity.

We hope you enjoy this entertaining and spirited reading of an entertaining and spirited book.

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The second reading from my 2004 Christmas present to my niece, is another childhood favorite—Harry the Dirty Dog, by Gene Zion and Margaret Bloy Graham. This great little story features an intelligent and adventurous dog—a combination that appeals to just about any young boy. The story skillfully and entertainingly illustrates a common aspect of human psychology, and ends with a positive resolution that still manages to maintain an air of mischief. As a kid, the two greatest aspects of the book were Harry’s joy at romping around the city, and his elation when his family finally recognized him. The latter always seemed very heartfelt and touching.

In this reading, you get a bit of my somewhat cursory attempts at different character voices, while the quality reflects the low fidelity of the equipment used. All-in-all, it’s a fun read, and, I hope, a fun listen.

My audio items should appear as a podcast within the regular subscription feed, but you may subscribe to the “Podcast Only” feed if you prefer.

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In 2004, I started a fun project as a way of making a very personal Christmas gift for my niece. At the time, my sister and her fledgling family lived in Paris, so we didn’t even have the opportunity to meet our niece until she was several months old. Because of this, I knew that I would miss getting to sit and read her her favorite books—something I was thoroughly enjoying with Sara’s (now also my) nieces—so I decided I would record myself reading some of my favorite stories, and give her the books and a nicely packaged CD for Christmas. With plenty of pictures of me to look at, and the soothing sounds of my voice reading great stories, I hoped my niece would think of me often, and fondly.

The first CD really was mostly a bunch of my favorite stories, plus Mr. Brown Can Moo and The Tale of Peter Rabbit. It was also my first attempt at doing any kind of serious audio production on the computer. I was using a cheap headset mic, and I had to do quite a bit of noise removal, and actually ended up removing all of my really obvious breath noises by hand. Add in some chimes to indicate a page turn, and that was pretty much it.

When I gave it to her at Christmas she loved the pictures of me, and loved the books, but didn’t really know what to think of the CD. She figured it out soon enough, and ended up really loving it. In fact, this CD and the subsequent ones have been so successful, that apparently now Emma and her brothers will give my sis a very hard way to go if they forget to bring “Uncle Matthew” along on long car rides. Success!

I’ve had a few people suggesting and requesting that I put these recordings online, so that’s just what I’m going to do. Here is my favorite reading from that very first CD.

Where the Wild Things Are was always one of my absolute favorites as a kid. It was stylistically distinctive, and the story was engaging and personal. What kid can’t identify with Max, who found a world of wonder that he could control, but finally realized that it’s no fun being somewhere without people who love you. I’m not sure how much subtext my young mind gleaned from this book, but I was always touched by the warm dinner that was waiting for him at home–it said to me that, even when you’re bad, even when you’re being punished, your mother still loves you, and I think that’s a very important thing for a kid to understand.

This was my first reading, and my niece was just over a year old, so I was reading very slowly and deliberately, trying hard to enunciate clearly. Listening to it again, I think perhaps the page-turn chimes were a bit hurried, but it seems to have all worked out ok. You can let me know what you think in the comments.

P.S. My audio items will be also be published as a podcast, and should appear as such within the regular subscription feed, but you may subscribe to the “Podcast Only” feed if you prefer.

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