Since the object of the project is to make a Christmas present, it’s kind of imperative to include at least a few outright Christmas stories in the mix. And what story (well, secular story, anyway) is more a part of Christmas than the long poem, The Night Before Christmas.

This classic story includes references which modern kids will likely never be exposed to elsewhere—like actual shutters, kerchief and caps as sleepwear, and sugarplums. Of course, this story also is one of the primary introductions for children to Santa’s peculiar attributes, and also has an easy to memorize roster of Santa’s pre-Rudolph reindeer.

There are many stories and songs about Santa and his reindeer, but this is one of the absolute fundamental texts of Santology.

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The 2005 CD wasn’t actually completed until 2006, and only included three books, one of which was the longer but much beloved Velveteen Rabbit. (It is kind of sad when time and timeliness become a factor in the creation of a Christmas present… but it was in this instance. I’ve tried to be better about it since then, to greater and lesser effect.)

The first track I’d like to feature from this CD is the short—but very cute—Guess How Much I Love You, by Sam McBratney and Anita Jeram.

This story documents a peculiar exchange between a narcissistic elder bunny and an insecure but effusive younger bunny who share a vague and unhealthily competitive relationship, and who apparently belong to a cult which has stripped them of their names and only allows them to be referenced by the color of their fur.

As the story progresses, the junior bunny attempts to elucidate the magnitude of his devotion to the elder bunny, but with each new platitude, the elder bunny is compelled to explain that his devotion to the younger bunny is actually the greater. He accomplishes this through various means, including physical feats of strength and simple size-related intimidation techniques. In the end, the elder bunny—not content to allow the youngster even the smallest victory—must get in the last word, even as his companion loses consciousness. One imagines the elder bunny smiling to himself with smug satisfaction, before dropping off to a fitful, horror-filled sleep.

Too much?

[UPDATE: 1 hour after this post launched, I realized I'd neglected to include the audio. Whoops.]

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Here we are in June—one whole month into the new coffeemonk.com. I’m happy that I managed to get out a new post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 10am. It wasn’t originally a goal for the site, but I decided a few days prior to launch that it might be good to make it an unofficial one. Aside from some last minute post-writing in the last week, it’s been a very comfortable experience, all told. Not sure how long I can keep it up, so we’ll just have to see.

Anyway, I wanted to take a moment, now that we’re a month old, to look back on the past month and see what we made of it.

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Mr. Brown Can Moo! Can You? is apparently a story about a neurotic and possibly delusional individual who wanders the countryside attempting to communicate by imitating the noises of animals and nature. Or perhaps he’s an amnesiac who has lost the capacity for human language altogether, and who is known as Mr. Brown solely because of the color of his outerwear. In any event, his unfortunate condition provided his psychiatrist—the infamous Dr. Seuss—an excellent opportunity for profit.

The reader is drawn along on the patient’s perambulatory adventure, and is given the opportunity to observe and occasionally participate in a re-enactment of his mad mimicry. Graciously, Mr. Brown’s repertoire of sounds is somewhat limited, and does not venture into the mechanical or electronic, so the book remains relatively short. The book closes with a review section, which one imagines might be an abstract representation of the troubled man’s unconscious mind.

Seriously though, Mr. Brown Can Moo is a great little book that smaller children simply love. It is especially fun when, once they’ve been through the book about 20 times (a day, for six straight months) and know pretty much what to expect, the reader begins to mix up the animals and their sounds. Toddlers love making animal noises, and they squeal with delight (or homicidal rage) when one presents the obviously ludicrous idea that a dog might say “quack.”

This is the last track off the original 2004 Christmas CD. Next week, 2005!

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The Tale of Peter Rabbit is one of those classic books that probably every kid has read at some point. It is also a story that has been told and retold in children’s stories, probably since there were stories. It’s the classic tale of the mischievous child—Peter—who, when given clear instruction and a compelling reason to not do something, proceeds to do exactly what he was warned against. As if that weren’t enough, Peter’s total lack of self-control extends to his eating habits, such that, when presented with an abundance of food and no supervision, he eats himself sick. As could be expected, his situation goes from bad to worse, and he ends up naked, wet, cold, and alone, with the hidden enemy lurking somewhere between him and the freedom he seeks, which lies in some unknown direction. Upon finally arriving home, Peter’s only punishment is his own self-inflicted illness, despite his having lost yet another set of clothing, and having obviously been up to no good. As near as I can tell, the moral of this story is that you can be as disobedient and mischievous as you like, as long as you’re smart about it.

This and the final track on the 2004 CD were a bit of a concession, in that this isn’t necessarily one of my favorite stories. I think I felt that three stories wasn’t quite enough, so I picked the last two to fill out the list a bit. I do like this story, however, and there is just something fun about saying “Flopsy, Mopsy.”

Enjoy the reading.

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