Bent on world domination (the only accomplishment that would truly satisfy the memory of his rat, Duodenum), this languid lad weighs in with a whopping 2-ton ego. A favorite to win the coveted Asshole of the Year award for the seventh consecutive time, he attributes his many victories to the support of his brethren within the infamous F.O.B.D.S. "I just think if anybody spent as much time with these pricks as I've had to, they'd probably wanna make the world pay too."
      The only monk to have been completely raised within the confines of modern civilization (Louisville [loo'-uh-vul], KY), he somehow kept his complete lack of a conscience intact. Following several torrid affairs with the Clinique-counter girl and a religious experience--due in part to consuming near toxic levels of Krispy-Kreme glazed chocolate doughnuts--he decided to move to Murray, KY. Though it appeared this change of venue would bring a much needed boost to his campaign of terror--retiree communities are a notorious safe-haven to many fledgling dictatorships, look at Orlando for instance--he was quickly consumed by the waves of belligerent Greek drunks and local boobs.
      It was at this moment, on these dark crossroads of fate, that history was forever changed. Nathan met Bob. Rejuvenated by each others' radical ideas, amazing insights, and general slackardliness, the two quickly teamed in the quest for ultimate power and formed the Savant-Garde Coffeehouse.* Their plans took on a life of their own, snowballing into a massive network of power-players, connecting Nathan with the likes of Matt "The Fish" Rasnake, and Paul "Sticky-Fingers" Brown. Following a streak of miraculous political victories, including the annexing of the 7th street house, the majority of the group pushed onward to the final stages of the plan for world domination, dropped out of college and moved to Louisville to take minimum wage jobs.
      Scholars argue even now, some saying this move was meant as a symbol to the people of Murray, others suggesting that the syphilis had finally rotted their brains. Recent archeological expeditions offer a different story, the original plan was found in a dig of the Secret Attic Porno Closet site at the 7th street house. Apparently its last few pages were so badly smudged with coffee stains that they were completely illegible.
      Nathan, completely unaware of the loss of his companions to the franchise-store industry, continued his education and graduated from Murray with a surprisingly useless degree in Fine Art, Printmaking. His lust for power and the sounds of small-arms fire has led him to pursue post-post-post-secondary education at Indiana University, where he hopes eventually to graduate with a degree that will make him overqualified for everything he could possibly do--and the sense of a job well undone. He is currently in the 19th grade, his hobbies include eating and breathing, and he enjoys moonlit strolls through the park but usually winds up stalking children at the local mall--restraining order bedamned!

* Historical Note: although many have agreed upon the 7th street house dynasty as the beginning of the Savant-Garde movement, the original coffeehouse has recently been excavated at Bob's old room in Woods Hall. For those scrupulous readers who may have doubts about this, I. M. Schittfased offers an excellent chronology of the events leading up to this occasion in his book Fuck You: Nathan is Always Right, and a Collection of Other Completely True Things.

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